Thursday, September 8, 2011

If Dads Were Moms

Disclaimer: This post is riddled with sexism. However, it's also just a joke, so don't freak out.

If dads were moms...

The world would be crawling with filthy children with ridiculously long fingernails.

Meals would be planned according to difficulty level and speed. Eg: donuts, Happy Meals, cereal. Repeat.

Clothing would be ill-fitting and mismatched.

Bedtime would be at whatever-o'clock.

There would be an abundance of Star Wars action figures and Hotwheels in the toy chest all over the floor.

ER visits would quadruple.

They would be singing AC/DC before Itsy Bitsy Spider.

School would be optional. Eg: "Daddy, can I stay home today?""Hell yes. I will, too. XBox marathon!"

There would be no braids, barrettes, or any hairstyle more difficult than a ponytail. Some children may be forming natural dreadlocks or hair is just shaved off. Including girls.


All children's sports would keep score. Snacks would be beef jerky and Red Bull.

Routine dentist appointments, eye exams, hair appointments, school registration, professional photos, playdates, and well-child visits would not happen.

Potty training would happen at a much earlier age.

Less children in ballet. More children in UFC.







:)

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