Wednesday, October 19, 2011

How Cats and Toddlers are Alike

I help you, Mama.
They won't let me go to the bathroom alone.

They constantly need to be touching me or on top of me.

They are mesmerized by mini blinds and can't go 10 minutes without touching them.

They are destroyers of mini blinds.

They don't want the food I give them. Only treats.

They don't want the toys I buy them. Only stupid things, like crumpled pieces of paper and empty boxes.

They are loud when I'm on the phone.

They feel like they need to sleep in my bed every night when they have perfectly fine beds specifically designed for them.

They both love chicken nuggets and think I'm an asshole for not letting them share.

I have to take care of their poop.

They are scared of the vacuum.

They do not listen to me when I say "no" or "please come here."

They have both tried to eat crayons.

They both want to climb in the dryer.

They always have something to say.

They are amazingly good at finding spiders.

They're both dumbfounded by laser toys.

And they're lucky they're both cute. Or they'd both me in a cage.