Stuff Your Baby Doesn't Need

Okay, the title of this post really should be "Stuff My Baby Didn't Need," so don't get all defensive.

1. Moses basket
I fantasized about my perfect little angel asleep in a beautiful, wicker Moses basket, trimmed with sage green ribbon and white lace, as I tote her from room to room, cleaning and finishing my graduate thesis.

Reality: the Moses basket was beautiful. And Norah hated it with a passion. And I didn't do any cleaning at all.

2. Changing table/contour cushion 
My house is shaped like a U. If I'm at one end of the U and the baby takes a deuce, I'm probably just going to change her where she's at, stat. So the contoured cushion that sat atop her dresser was used very minimally. A waterproof pad on the floor, bed, or couch did the trick.

3. Real clothes

Newborns can pretty much live in sleepers and onesies. They don't need little jeans or dresses or cashmere cardigans. Granted, you may want to cute them up when visiting coworkers or relatives or whomever, but, really, sleepers. They're just babies. They're not looking for dates.

4. Diaper Genie
Eh. Just throw that stinker into a used Target bag (you'll have a shitload of those), tie it up, and toss it in the garbage.

5. Most toys
Babies do need visual and tactile stimulation. But you can give them Tupperware, a wash rag, and show them the screen saver on your phone and they'll be just as stimulated.

6. Your Baby Can Read
Come on. They've only been on the planet for a few weeks or months. Give them a friggin' break.