You Know You Have a Toddler When...

Cries for Mom at 2:00 am are met with "Damn it," instead of "Oh my God, what's wrong?"

You tip servers based on their compassion and understanding.

You are a little suspicious of Steve's successor, Joe.

You have a standard fake smile and retort when people say, "My, she/he's got a lot of energy!"

You are becoming an awesome speller. Because even a quiet utterance like "park" or "ice cream" can create a snowball effect you are not prepared to deal with.

You have to bribe to get them in the tub, but set a timer to limit the amount of hand-washing.

You may have said, "Peanut butter does not belong in your ear."

You've considered a child leash.

You call trains "choo-choo trains" and cows "moo-cows," and you're talking with fellow adults.

You try to rouse your co-workers with a round of "What's gonna work? TEAMWORK!"

You've said, "No! Please stop!" or "I'm so sorry" over thirty times at a grocery store. In one visit.

You've promised anything-- from candy to toys to unicorns to rocket ships-- just so they'd go to bed. And they've refused.

You still try to cram them into 18-month sized clothes because everything else is dirty.

You wonder why a young rabbit is allowed to sleep in a room with an exposed fireplace and obvious rodent problems.

Your partner is wearing sparkly pink nail polish and pretending to be in a marching band and you don't even blink.

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What are your additions?